Dealing with High-Conflict Divorces
22nd May, 2025
Going through a divorce is one of the most difficult and life-changing events anyone can experience. It can be even harder if you are going through a high-conflict divorce.
This article explores what a high-conflict divorce is and what the signs of a high-conflict divorce are, as well as focusing on strategies for managing this type of divorce and reducing emotional stress and anxiety.
Navigating the divorce process is extremely daunting. The breakdown of your marriage can change your life, and you may experience a loss of identity, self-esteem and confidence.
A high-conflict divorce can be extremely stressful especially if there is constant conflict and confrontation, which can be emotionally draining. Your divorce may also be high conflict because you have been a victim of financial/domestic abuse, or you may be divorcing a narcissist.
It is important to remember that you are not alone during this difficult period of your life, and that there are a range of strategies which can help you manage the process of a high-conflict divorce and reduce emotional burnout and stress.
Signs of a High-Conflict Divorce
In a lot of divorces there can be arguments or difficultly with communication between spouses. This can be exacerbated if there are also legal proceedings concerning your children.
However, a high-conflict divorce consists of other factors, many of which will be more extreme and difficult to deal with. These may include:
- Constant arguments – with arguments being the only way you interact despite attempts to be reasonable.
- Communication difficulties, aside from arguing and unresponsiveness, refusal to engage, twisting your words or gaslighting you.
- Legal battles, with discussions focusing only on your children, property or finances, or only showing interest in the legal process on their terms.
- Emotional intensity – where extreme emotions are shown, such as rage, defensiveness and guilt-tripping over minor issues.
- Using other people – this could include involving as many other people as possible, such as friends, family or other unnecessary third parties, all in an attempt to create problems or drama.
- Co-parenting issues, including not putting your children’s needs first or intentionally alienating them from you.
Strategies for Managing High-Conflict Divorces
Dealing with a high-conflict divorce can be stressful and exhausting, so it is important to implement some strategies which can help you manage the process.
Effective communication
Communicating during a high-conflict divorce may already be extremely difficult. Trying to communicate effectively with your ex-spouse can help prevent the unnecessary escalation of existing tensions. Talking as openly as possible, setting boundaries and respecting them, and actively listening to one another to manage disagreements are effective ways to communicate between yourselves.
If you are communicating with your ex-spouse through written communication – like emails – or through a third party like a specialist divorce solicitor, use neutral language that is factual and focused on children, property and other legal matters.
Document everything you can
If you document everything you can this means you will have a clear, dated record of all communications between yourself and your ex-spouse. This could assist if there are ever disagreements about certain matters.
If there is written communication before legal action is taken, including text messages and emails, make sure to keep records of every conversation so you can refer to this with your solicitor.
Use legal tools
For any divorce, it is crucial that you seek guidance and support from a divorce solicitor. During a high-conflict divorce, representation from a specialist divorce solicitor who understands the unique nature and potential severity of high-conflict divorce cases is important. Your divorce solicitor can help you navigate the legal aspects of a divorce, like selling your house, who gets the family business and hidden assets, but they can also offer support should your ex-spouse be difficult to deal with.
Reducing Emotional Stress During High-Conflict Divorces
Feeling emotionally drained and stressed during a high-conflict divorce is a normal part of the process, but it can be difficult to deal with, so looking after yourself is crucial.
Seek professional support
Working closely with your divorce solicitor is important for all legal proceedings, but it is just as important to look after yourself during a high-conflict divorce. Seeking professional support from a therapist or through support groups, is a great way to talk about your thoughts and feelings.
Whilst you may have a secure network of family and friends who can support you, sometimes, it can be beneficial talking to people who aren’t as close to you and your relationship. A support group, whether it be an in-person session or an online forum, can be a place for you to vent about your feelings to others who understand how you are feeling because they have previously been in your position. You may also find it easier to talk to people who you are unfamiliar with.
Prioritise self-care
There are many different ways in which you can prioritise your own mental health and, so choosing what works best for you is the most important.
You might find that exercising alone or with friends helps you switch off, or you may enjoy reading a book or watching television to distract your mind. Documenting your thoughts and feelings in a journal can also be a beneficial way to get things off your chest, without having to speak to someone.
Regardless of what you use as a method of self-care, choosing something you enjoy to destress is important for you and those around you during a high-conflict divorce.
Focus on children’s wellbeing
If you have children, you also need to look after them during what can be a very confusing time for them, as their family life as they know it is changing, potentially in a very confrontational environment.
Establishing boundaries with your ex-spouse, as well as a clear co-parenting arrangement, can make a huge difference in children’s lives because they can still follow a routine, even if they are spending time in different homes around different people. This can help protect them from any further conflict between their parents. Supporting children through a divorce can consist of listening to and understanding their thoughts and feelings, talking to them as openly and honestly as possible, and reassuring them that the divorce is not their fault.
Parenting through divorce or separation can be tough, especially if your child is neurodiverse, but looking after your own wellbeing can have a huge impact on theirs, so it is important to take time for yourself, and time for yourself and your children together as a family.
Ward Hadaway can support you through a high-conflict divorce
At Ward Hadaway, our team of experienced solicitors has extensive experience in divorce and family law. We work closely with our clients to ensure they receive the compassionate guidance they deserve during this difficult time in their lives.
If you are looking for support to deal with a high-conflict divorce, we are here to help and ensure you feel thoroughly supported during this difficult time.
Please note that this briefing is designed to be informative, not advisory and represents our understanding of English law and practice as at the date indicated. We would always recommend that you should seek specific guidance on any particular legal issue.
This page may contain links that direct you to third party websites. We have no control over and are not responsible for the content, use by you or availability of those third party websites, for any products or services you buy through those sites or for the treatment of any personal information you provide to the third party.
